Another blue blog

It just happened again! I'm crying at the moment when i write this post. It's so hard to live with this asperger thing. I don't have a lot of friends, so i don't have anyone besides my parents, to talk to about this. And the only friends i have, i don't trust. I don't know what to do anymore.

I have allways known that there was something wrong with me, becouse i didn't behave like everyone else around me. I have been different from my friends ever since i was little, where i allways played with myself and not with the others. But now that i'm a grownup I can realy feel it, like never before. I can't be places where there is a lot of people, like in schools and so. At the moment i'm going at technical school in my town. But it's very difficult for me, to be in a school with lots of people, like in this one.

My down times, like this one now. Comes in periods from time to time. Some time when i just can't have more problems in my head, I just go down and start's to cry. That is also a problem to me, I can't get things out of my head. Good or bad, they just stay in my head untill there is no more space in there, then it comes out all in one big reaction. Sometimes i cry, other times i just get's angry!

Many of you out there might think, that it would be nice to have the skill to remember everything that happens or things you read. Well, its is yes! But! All the bad things dosen't disapear either. So, yes i'm realy smart in school and so, becouse i remember everything. But i'm also very sad often and scared, becouse i remember all the bad stuff that happens in my life too. Everyone remembers the things that happens in their life. But not as good as me, I can remember things like if they were written on a piece of paper. I can even remember things up to 2 or 3 months after i heard them and then use it in school. But if something bad happens to you? Then you might cry at the moment when it happens and then go on with your life. But i don't cry when something bad happens, I collect and carry bad things with me for several months, or even years. And then it all comes out a once. And when those bad things comes out, it's not nice to be me.

Imagin how you feel when you loose your girlfriend/boyfriend, how sad you are after. Multiply that with 10 or more, then you know how i feel when i go down.


I'm getting better now,becouse i write about my problem :) But still! It's so irritating to have this asperger syndrome!